Russian Legacy

Russian Business, Commerce & Money

A businessman is being questioned at a Tax Inspectorate office. "We’ve checked your income tax return," an officer tells him. "Could you please explain how were you able to buy the latest model of Mercedes?"
"Well, I used to have a Lada (a Russian car)," the businessman explains. "I sold it for a good price, borrowed the rest, and bought this Mercedes."
"Then where did you get the money to buy a Lada?"
"Before the Lada, I used to have a motorcycle. I sold it for a good price, borrowed the rest, and bought the Lada."
"Well, sir, we still need to know where the money came from that you used to buy the motorcycle."
"I don’t have to tell you that, officer."
"And why is that?"
"Because for that, I already did the time."

Q: What starts with an R and never ends?
A: Reorganization.

Ivan goes into business. He buys a hotdog cart and sets it up on a busy downtown corner, near a large bank.
One day, his friend Sergei approaches him and asks Ivan if he can lend him some money. Ivan refuses.
"Why?" Sergei asks. "Everyone knows you’re doing well, and I’m not asking for much."
"Well, Sergei, you see, in order to get this spot, I had to sign a Non-Competing Agreement with this bank. And according to the terms of the Agreement, they’re not allowed to sell hot dogs, and I’m not allowed to lend money."

"Doctor, my husband has a strange disease," the woman says. "I think it’s from stress and overwork. Every time I start asking him for money, he can’t hear me at all."
"Well, dear, it’s not a disease—it’s a talent."

"When are you going to pay me back, Ivan?"
"As soon as my rich uncle from the States comes to Russia to visit me."
"Well, that’s an old story, one I’ve been listening to for years."
"I can show you his letter."
"So what does he write?"
"He’s asking me to buy him a ticket."

Q: What is the exchange rate between a ruble, a dollar, and a pound?
A: One pound of rubles equals one dollar.


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